The big mystery used to be (before online dating exploded into our singledom kingdom) ….
Why is it so hard to find someone?
Finding someone in the Eighties and Nineties just wasn’t a problem.
You could meet someone in the supermarket because it was a relaxed place to bump into and maybe flirt over the frozen yogurt “My sister loves the taste of that one and she sometimes uses it as a face mask!” “Really I thought Bio was yer only man but hey what do I know, I shave twice a day!”
You could walk out of your apartment and run into someone on the street…not literally but there was always someone you could practice your gallantry on when it rained, which was quite often.
And who knows where that would take you. ”Bus stop Bus stop ..Love grows.. under my umbrella..”The Hollies circa 1960 splash.
But now people seem to be adamant that online Dating is the only way to go (in the same way that sheep will al follow each other over a cliff.)
Pubs are still full of eligible men and elegant ladies but the problem now is that nobody is looking at each other anymore. They’re either looking down at their iPhones swiping left or right or else they’ve made their choice and are waiting for their aforementioned tinderer or tinderette to show.
So you follow the yellow brick road and the crowd to Online Singles Heaven and put up a well-intended profile on a “reputable” dating site (which is like saying friendly fire isn’t) with your favourite photo (which was taken a little over 12 years ago so that you’re matched with your ideal “age-appropriate” men or women.. soon you notice that while your age isn’t exactly your correct age(a little white lie of 7 years isn’t going to a deal breaker now is it?) you see that everyone seems to be around the same age, and it’s strange because you see some guy and you recognise him from being that age 15 years ago!! And that’s another shock to the system-If you can see and recognise them, then they can see and recognise you. When the enemy’s in range-then so are you!
But hey..everyone’s doing it so you cast your net and see what fish you’ll fry tonite..and there’s that wonderful, butterfly in the stomach moment..“My.. I’ve haven’t had this much fun since I was 16” and suddenly you’re that kid in a sweetshop “are all these just for me?”
Unfortunately… it’s a false positive! Once you start sifting through it all, it’s not real. Sure you can think that you both have “chemistry” after all the emails and texts a flying, but honestly how can you have text and email chemistry and if there’s such a thing why exactly do you need or want it?
But you solder on and actually go out on a date or 23 and you both find out that while he’s actually 10 years older, has had 6 instead of 3 children and he can’t fathom how you won the Schools hockey cup in 1986 when you were only 12 and that your mates seem soo much older than you are, you actually get on quite well ..just wait till the dreaded passport appears and is checked at the airport on your first weekend away together!!
And just when you had seriously started to believe that you may have found the one and only digital dating “unicorn” – a guy who was funny, clever, handsome, spontaneous and not just after a quickie–or a woman who’s classy, sassy, quite the looker and knows the offside rule, you suddenly get a Dear John text, to say that he or she had to move away, quite unexpectedly on contract to Patagonia for 6 months where sadly, there’s no internet.
Isn’t it strange the amount of folk who actually win that foreign contract? And yet there must be internet in Patagonia because he’s still winking at everyone on the site.
It’s the excitement and the fantasy of internet dating that makes people addicted to it. There’s this continual hope that this person could be “The One” or who could have been right had they not had to move away to Patagonia-the new home of ex internet daters.
So now, instead of a relationship beginning with a meeting of eyes across a smoke filled room and a “oh my..he’s actually looking at me” spark, people are immediately starting a relationship on an untruthful foundation, which can’t really be terribly healthy, can it?
Both the biggest charm of online dating, and the biggest concern is the ease of it all.
We fool ourselves by saying “Ok, that didn’t work.. let’s move on to another person, or hey, why make one person happy all the time when I can make many people happy some of the time . Commitment ? When I find the right one I’ll do commitment!
Girls and guys, whether by accident, design, Disney or Playboy, just aren’t willing to put that much effort into real life anymore.
And it does seem like what’s really missing now is Romance – because there’s none of that even at the start of online dating.
True, .. some people are meeting now meeting their husbands and wives on dating sites and apps … but a lot aren’t!
“And the best advice from the experts (including none other than Candace Bushnell, author of Sex and the City– a lady who’s done her fair share of internet dating) is” do it for a few months online, and then take a break and do it IRL – in real life.”
“Because if you become addicted to a dating app or site, you’re not really looking for someone, you’re looking for a high.” She says.
The most important thing for any online dating virgin to remember, cautions Bushnell, is that these platforms are predominantly designed by men.
“They’re designed to capture the male brain and keep it engaged,” she says, likening them to “judging beauty contests for men – and that’s every guy’s fantasy”.
“You see a lot of them use it as a sort of dating training wheel, practising their game and their jokes on women online before doing it in real life- but never really getting much action while they’re on there.”
And here’s the rub..For a lot of guys, just having a woman write back to them is as good as getting laid. He thinks she’s interested in him and there’s a remote possibility of actually having sex, while she’s thinking he’s interested in having a relationship!
Doom n Gloom..Winter is here and not a child in the house washed.
That’s where Dee and I come in. We’re finders of keepers. We’re Matchmakers. We introduce normal like minded folk because we’ve actually met normal folk face to face, we get to know them, what their values are ,have vouched that they are who they say they are and that they realistically want to meet genuine folk!
we’ve seen and heard you play in the shallow waters of the internet Dating gene pool, now it’s time to join the real world (or, as Tyrion said to Daenerys recently, you’re in the great game now and the great game is terrifying!)
We can assure you it’s anything but terrifying-in fact it’s actually terrific!
It’s easy and it’s friendly (well we are) but most of all it’s
Genuine, Confidential, Private and Very Discreet!
Find out more about us at www.one2one.ie Call us on 0873229046 and have a chat.
What’s the best that could happen?