What we do on or before dates that maybe we really shouldn’t!
Let’s face it whether you’re a newbie to all this or have even had a date or two in the not too distant past, going on a date is a total nerve shredder!
Yes, it’s fun, exciting and who knows where it will go.
The fun should start here and not on Google.
Everybody Googles everybody! And while it’s fine to get some little background about him or her before a date sometimes a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. I even had a situation where I arranged a date with …let’s call them Frank and Mary. I swopped phone contacts and surnames with them both and I found Mary would not meet Frank because she had googled him and reckoned he was a Bank robber who had served time, had 2 marriages and 12 children.
Ah..The wonders of Wikipedia.
Sorry Mary but you googled the wrong Frank!
Remember: You are going on a date, not running an investigation. This isn’t C.S.I. Carrickmines.
Chemistry or things that go spark in the night.
The most common disappointment on a date is to not feel instant attraction!
In today’s “swipe left/swipe right I want it all and I want it now” culture, we tend to forget that sometimes, you have to work at building a connection. The reality is, even with the most perfect of matches, there are many factors that spark chemistry. Sometimes it takes a few tries to feel safe enough to look past those initial impressions that you thought were not attractive to you.
Analytics equals Nerves
You over analyse everything on the date. OK, He was 5 minutes late and wore a casual shirt and jeans while you were dressed in a ball gown and he says Tomato and you say Potato and said a little too much about your last relationship, and he did call me Pami instead of Pam but don’t freak out about it. It’s called nerves! There’s already way too much overthinking and judgment in dating.
First dates are rarely perfect and expecting perfection will ultimately just lead to lunacy and 39 cats.
Relationship! OMG No!
Decide not to decide if you want to have a relationship with the person on the first date!!
Just have fun and try to reserve judgment because everyone is flawed. Think less, feel more and enjoy the experience.
Deal Breakers..Must love cats.
You have an incredibly long list of deal breakers and must-haves. And while there’s nothing wrong with having standards, values and morals, but just don’t make them so rigid that you end up missing out on genuinely good matches. If you really get to know someone, you might be pleasantly surprised to find more positive things than you initially saw in them. It pays to be curious and open to give people a chance; the more open you are, the more options you have.
The laws of attraction.
Nothing is more attractive than listening to someone talk about what they love and what they’re passionate about whether it’s a project at work, their newly launched boat or competing in a geriatric 5 a side football tournament. Ok maybe that’s a little untrue as laughter and a sense of humour are more attractive. One of the top requirements for many people is someone who is passionate about something, anything, but we’ll draw the line at trainspotting.
Remember, passion goes a long way in creating that initial spark. Being too serious, boring or negative are real downers that scare people away. But trust me on the laughter!
Work work work!
You only talk about work. On the other hand, if what you’re most passionate about is work, don’t go overboard with the details. Share some general information and then move on.
Dinner or a movie just isn’t the place to enthuse about your company’s quarterly quantitative easing forecast.
Just ask yourself a simple question before the date: What’s interesting about my life outside of work? Talk about that on your date. There really is nothing more compelling than someone who has cultivated an interesting life outside of business hours and deliberately moves out of their comfort zone with the conversation.
Me me me.
Simple isn’t it? It’s all about you, being yourself, and enjoying the whole experience of going on a date. That the whole point of the exercise and being yourself is enough.