What we do on or before dates that maybe we really shouldn’t!
Let’s face it.. whether you’re a newbie to all this or have even had a date or two in the not too distant past, going on a date can be a total head wrecker!
A date SHOULD be fun, enjoyable and perhaps have that ‘let’s do this again feel about it and who knows where it will lead to..but what about the what if’s and maybe’s and if only’s so the following should be taken with a strong coffee and a pinch of salt.
To Google or not to Google?
Everybody Googles everybody! And while it’s fine to get some little background about him or her before a date sometimes a little knowledge is a VERY dangerous thing. I had a bizarre situation where I arranged a date with …let’s call them Frank(Abernathy for confidential reasons!) and Mary. I swopped phone contacts and surnames with them both and when I enquired about how they had got on, on their first date, Mary explained that she had refused to meet Frank as she had Googled him and found to her horror that Frank was a Conman and Bank robber in another life! Frank is many things, an architect, sportsman and loving father to 3 girls but as a pastime he doesn’t don Ladies tights over his head and enter an Allied Irish Bank with a shotgun. Sadly Mary Googled the wrong Frank. Mary trusts no one(except obviously Google), has a complex and thinks the world is out to get her.. If Mary could do this after me personally vetting Frank(It’s what we do at One2One Introductions) just think what would she be like if she was let loose on an Internet Dating site?
You are going on a date, not running an investigation. This isn’t C.S.I. Carrickmines.(and trust me on the Googling)
Chemistry or things that go spark in the night.
The most common disappointment on a date is to not feel instant attraction!
In today’s “swipe left/swipe right I want it and I want it now” culture, we tend to forget that sometimes, you have to work at building a connection. The reality is, even with the most perfect of matches, there are many factors that spark chemistry. Sometimes it takes a few tries to feel safe enough to look past those initial impressions that you thought were not attractive to you.
Analytics equals Nerves
You over analyse everything on the date. OK, He was 5 minutes late and wore a casual shirt and jeans while you were dressed in a ball gown and said a little too much about his last relationship, and he did call me Pami instead of Pam but don’t freak out about it. That’s just him being nervous! There’s already way too much overthinking and judgment in dating…a first date is just that..A get to know a little bit about each other fun light conversation over a drink..It’s neither an interview with a vampire or a reading from St Paul to the Corinthians. It’s a date. Enjoy.
First dates are rarely perfect and expecting perfection will ultimately just lead to lunacy and 39 cats!
Relationship! OMG! No!
Decide not to decide if you want to have a relationship with the person on the first date!!
Just have fun and try to reserve judgment because everyone is flawed. Think less, feel more and enjoy the experience.
Deal Breakers..(Must love cats)
You have an incredibly long list of deal breakers and must-haves. And while there’s nothing wrong with having standards, values and morals, but just don’t make them so rigid that you end up missing out on genuinely good matches. It pays to be curious and open to give people a chance; the more open you are, the more options you have…simples!
The Laws of Attraction.
Nothing is more attractive than listening to someone talk about what they love and what they’re passionate about whether it’s a project at work, their newly launched boat or competing in a geriatric 5 a side football tournament. Ok maybe that’s a little untrue as laughter and a sense of humour are definitely more attractive. One of the top requirements for many people is someone who is passionate about something, anything, but we’ll draw the line at watching paint dry or trainspotting.
Remember, passion goes a long way in creating that initial spark. Being too serious, boring or negative are real downers that scare people away. But trust me on the laughter!
Work work work!
You only talk about work. ..On the other hand, if what you’re most passionate about is work, then go for it but don’t go overboard with the details. Lighten it up a bit. Make splitting atoms sound like melting chocolate over ice cream…just don’t get it all over your shirt!
Dinner or a movie just isn’t the place to enthuse about your company’s quarterly quantitative easing forecast either.
Just ask yourself a simple question before the date: What’s interesting about my life outside of work? Talk about that on your date. There really is nothing more compelling than someone who has cultivated an interesting life outside of business hours and deliberately moves out of their comfort zone with the conversation.
Me me me.
Simple isn’t it? It’s all about you, being yourself, enjoying the moment and enjoying the whole experience of going on a date. That’s the whole point of the exercise and just being yourself is enough.
And trust me on the sunscreen! www.one2one.ie