Are Irish men of a certain age lazy, boring and hung up on box ticking when it comes to Dating in the real world?

Are Irish men of a certain age lazy, boring and hung up on box ticking when it comes to Dating in the real world?

4 years ago 2 1066


Firstly I need to say this has been written from my experiences with my Matchmaking and Introductions agency, One2One Introductions.

Secondly, I’m the original born again poacher turned gamekeeper.

Now read on..

I blame Irish Mammies for all this. From the time we were rug rats we’ve been cossetted, put on a pedestal and told that there’s “no one good enough for my son” and so we’ve grown up believing the myth. By the time we’re finished school and college and have entered the big bad world of commerce and earning mullah we’ve become so used to our elevated status in the natural pecking order of life that we tend to look at women as being “ONLY women” and “Sure what would THEY know anyway?. Aren’t we the greatest thing since sliced bread”?

We expect too much from dating because we A…think there’s more of them than us when it comes to dating and we’re God’s gift to womankind and B…have been suckered into a false sense of loftiness by our Mammies).

We expect our dates to look like a cross between Rosanna Davison and Kim Kardashian (Blame Playboy for that one).

We expect our dates to cook like the Mammy does, know the offside rule, and have a Dad that owns a corporate box at the Aviva.

We expect our dates  to fall head over their high heels with us on the first date, despite the fact that we’ve put in little or any effort into arranging the date in our local and have arrived in our favourite Leinster jersey and jeans (we don’t want our mates to think that we’re actually going on a date, do we?) and expect them to drop everything(literally) for us while it’s ok for us to see other girls (I’m still doing interviews-you and I aren’t exactly married yet, are we?).

We expect that our dates laugh at our jokes, drool and make every effort to be the centre of our little universe while not forgetting that if we ever did start “going out” they must remember that Friday’s are boy’s nites, Saturdays are a 4 ball and we always go to “the Mammies” of a Sunday.

We expect  our dates to tick every box.

Tall (but not too)

Slim (but not too)

Attractive (but not too)

Sporty (but please no Liverpool, Munster or Kerry fans)

Must love dogs (no Catwomen!) and have a working knowledge of how everything works-(What do you mean there’s water in the carburettor-the cars in a lake!)

But most of all she must get on with The Mammy

Get a grip guys. This isn’t an episode of Can’t cope Won’t cope or Damo and Ivor.

This is the real world. We have to actually make some sort of effort to meet “The One” these days.

Real relationships (as against Tinder and online dating crap) take a lot of hard work and effort and planning to get to know someone.

We shouldn’t casually dismiss someone because she’s from D.N.S. or she likes pints of Guinness or god forbids she actually challenges your views on Politics or Immigrants. (Nice girl but not for me ..Nothing in common really).

If we think there’s any chance at all that we could be friends first with our date, then it is vital that we go on a second date. Real relationships come from putting in the hours and taking the time to get to know someone. By discounting every date based on only one meeting or worse still, by declining a date because “ I’m not mad about her photo, she’s just not my type” we are, through sheer laziness, removing all possibility of developing any hope of any romantic connection.

You know how they say looking for a new job is a full time job in itself? Well, the same is true of dating. Ok, some people get really lucky and through some mad Ted twist of fate meet their life partner by accidentally spilling a pint over them in a heaving Café en Seine. Meanwhile, back on Planet Earth the chances of that happening are as good as a Dublin bus driver winning the Lotto, certainly not without first accruing a hefty dry cleaning bill and the risk of more than one slap in the face anyway!.

Dating opportunities are everywhere, Use them. Be proactive instead of reactive. Think about it. Every single new person you meet  is a dating opportunity, whether that’s chatting to someone in a Supermarket about the merits of Hovis over Johnson Mooney and O Brien(Don’t squeeze me til I’m yours) or just being a good old fashioned man and holding a door open for a lady.

But then maybe we’d rather stay in to watch that box-set of Liverpool’s Golden years(it’s in black and white)or just meet the lads for a pint while playing snooker and talking twaddle about how it’s great to be single at our age (well we are only 45!!)

Yes, it’s simple after a long day at the office to go home, settle down on the sofa with a cold one (no that’s not a Swedish ice queen) and binge watch your favourite replays of Istanbul 2005. However, I can assure you she isn’t waiting for you at the bottom of your Heineken, ready to appear like a prize and a pizza when you have finished your drink.(If Carlsberg made Dating easy…)

Your date is waiting out there in the real world. Couch potatoes are sad cabbages. And if you do go down to the pub please don’t wear your beer stained replica jersey!

So what about you? Have you made any effort to impress a girl on a date by being you or are you  so convinced all women are trying to snare you  by their “I want to know everything about you “ interrogation.(It was supposed to be a date.. I wasn’t expecting an interview!)

Think about it…our date is looking to find out whether we are a good match for each other, not just whether you feel they are a good match for you.  We have an equal responsibility to make an effort and portray ourselves in the most positive light…that’s if we really want to date ..And therein lies the kernel of the whole Dating conundrum.. Us guys are so settled in our ways and means that it’s sometimes easier to NOT chase her and date her  coz that could mean the dreaded C word(commitment) and  stepping out of our nice little comfort zone.. Oh God no!!.

Preconceptions and misconceptions!!. The mortal enemy of the modern singleton, especially men!

Yet we do nothing to avoid our date forming negative opinions about us by treating our dates like they are not important to us. There is nothing more valuable than time, and if we’re not prepared to dedicate any of ours to planning our date (where we’re going to meet, what time, what we’re going to wear) then the likelihood is that the outcome of our date will be just as flat and luke warm as the beer Americans drink! (As eulogised by Danny Willet’s bro)

New Date.. New Opportunity. Dates matter. Dating’s like life. It’s all about the way you approach it.

Hard hitting? Maybe.            Factual? Probably.               Honest? Yes.

Dave Merren


One2One Introductions